Quote of the week: 

“The best love is the kind that awakens the soul; that makes us reach for more, that plants the fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. That’s what I hope to give you forever.” – Nicholas Sparks

From Unconscious to Conscious to Expansive Relationships: A Journey of Connection and Growth

In this blog post, I will try to explain my conception and understanding of an expansive relationship and why it’s essential for growth and connection.

As I have noted in my last blog, an expansive relationship involves awareness, openness, growth, and endless possibilities. It suggests that our relationships have the potential to go beyond their current state and encompass various dimensions, including emotional, psychological, and spiritual growth. In an expansive relationship, we engage in continuous exploration, learning, and a genuine willingness to embrace new experiences.

Expansive Experiences

Expansive relationships are born from expansive experiences in our daily lives that go beyond the ordinary to the profound. 

Often, expansive experiences are similar to and involve the experience of “awe”. If you have ever spent much time with a child, you may noticed that they have a natural sense of “awe” . According to researchers Keltner and Haidt, awe is defined as “being in the presence of something vast and mysterious that transcends your understanding of the world”.  As children, we want to learn about the world; we don’t have preconceived ideas or biases that hinder our exploration and wonder. However, according to research, it appears that as we get older we lose the ability to feel awe, except maybe in particular circumstances and then, it can be limited.  For more on awe: https://apple.news/AGVdMrcfuQxqnpOgoeu-UgQ

 Undoubtedly, most everyone has had some kind of expansive experience at some point in their lives, or may have them in an ongoing way. During these moments, we are aware of a deep connection with the mysteries of our existence, and a sense of awe and wonder envelops us. 

In such moments, our usual boundaries and limitations temporarily dissolve and we have an experience characterized by a powerful feeling that we are part of something greater than ourselves. 

These experiences can manifest in various forms, making them accessible to everyone. I like to call them “portals” between the human and Divine, a sacred place that you can transform. They all involve a “higher state of being”.  Specifically: 

Types of Expansive Experiences

1. 1. Nature’s Beauty: Some encounter expansiveness in the natural world. It might be the breathtaking beauty of a forest, the tranquility of a sunset, or the vibrant colors of a rainbow that evoke these feelings.  Truly, what is it about a sunset or a rainbow that stop us in our tracks?
   2. Spiritual or Religious Connection:  For others, expansive experiences or moments occur through spiritual and/or religious practices. It’s the profound sense of connection with God and/or the Universe. This could include church, synagogue, prayer, meditation, yoga, etc. 
   3. Emotional Connection, Love, and Intimate Moments: Expansive experiences can also be shared with your partner during intimate moments, such as making love or engaging in meaningful conversations. These moments can be deeply transformative. These seem natural at the beginning of a romantic relationship, where do they  go?
   4. Finding a “Flow”:  People often describe getting “into a flow” in which there is a hyper awareness, hyper alertness that goes beyond the details of the situation, where  “thinking” fades, time almost disappears, and you are “in it”.   Athletes often talk about this experience. 
   5. Personalized:  Some people find more access through portals that are individually meaningful to them, such as music, running/exercise or special friendships. 

The Essence of an Expansive Relationship

What distinguishes an expansive relationship is the act of sharing these transformative experiences with another person. When you and your partner open up and share these moments of awe and connection, we create a unique and special emotional connection. This bond transcends the ordinary and has the potential to encompass various dimensions, including emotional, psychological, and spiritual growth.  

Behind our house, we have  an active creek with trees, birds, squirrels, ducks, river otters, deer, etc. My wife, Kathy and I have created this as our ‘sacred space’ where we find an extraordinary connection and long conversations. A space and time we look forward to joining together in. 

Do you have a sacred space for your relationship? If not, how could you create a “potential space” that can grow into a sacred time together or a sacred space?

It’s important to note that while these moments of expansiveness are transient and will pass. In an expansive relationship, there is a commitment to ongoing exploration, learning, and a genuine willingness to embrace new experiences together. This continuous journey of growth and shared experiences strengthens the bond between individuals and allows the relationship to evolve and deepen over time.

 In essence, an expansive relationship is characterized by:

1. 1.  Interconnectedness: Partners feel deeply linked to each other and the world around them.

1. 1.  Personal transformation: These relationships encourage personal growth and transformation. Partners challenge each other to explore the unknown.

1. 1.  Shared commitment: Each person commits  to the ongoing expansion of one’s connection with the self, others, and the universe. The commitment ensures that a relationship remains dynamic and fulfilling. 

Conclusion

In conclusion, an expansive relationship is not just a romantic partnership; it’s a transformative journey of connection and growth. By sharing expansive experiences with your partner and committing to ongoing exploration, you can create a relationship that transcends the ordinary and allows both individuals to evolve and deepen their connection with themselves, each other, and the world. If you can embrace the beauty of expansiveness in your relationship, it has the potential to flourish and become something truly extraordinary.

Next week, we will explore what a “Conscious relationship” is and how it is the precursor to an expansive relationship. 

Also, because I am hoping this blog will have an interactive element, I welcome your reflections, questions, and thoughts. Below, you will find a comments section.

For future topics: Home

Homework:

Question: What expansive experiences do you have in your life?

• Sit quietly and reflect upon any moments you have had recently or in the past of expansive experiences. Make room in your mind, to create space for this experience.  Recall what you experienced and what you felt.  Linger with these experiences, adding details of what your remember. Do this as long as you can, allowing them to expand.
• Consider and identify the various “portals” you have and experience in your life. 

• Share these thoughts and experiences with your partner.

• Ask your partner about any thoughts and experiences they have had.