Until I Love Myself

Who Am I?

Until I love myself with all my flaws,
I wander lost, constrained by silent laws.
For how can I embrace another’s soul,
When mine is fractured, yet to be made whole?

In shadows cast by doubts and fears I hide,
A mask of smiles, my true self denied.
For love of others I strive to display,
Yet, inwardly, a storm still holds sway.

To find the courage in my own embrace,
To look within and see my deepest grace,
This journey inward, fraught with twists and turns,
Reveals the lessons that my heart yearns.

For until I love myself, unreserved,
My essence veiled, my truth still unobserved.
I cannot soar, I cannot truly be,
The one I’m destined, the one I’m meant to see.

So here I stand, upon this path so steep,
Embracing scars, my secrets I will keep.
For in acceptance, I find my release,
To fully love, to fully be at peace.
-Anonymous

Hello fellow friends and fellow seeks,

In the realm of couples relationships, there’s a profound truth that often goes unnoticed: the key to nurturing a conscious, harmonious relationship begins with a conscious understanding of oneself. 

You might wonder, “What does my individual identity have to do with the success of our relationship?” The answer is, quite a lot. Our self-perception, the stories we tell ourselves, the experiences that have shaped us, and the societal influences we’ve encountered all contribute to our identity, ultimately influencing how we perceive others and the world around us. These experiences often lead us to develop patterns of behavior, some of which we’re consciously aware of, but many of which remain pre-conscious or unconscious. The question then becomes, can we fully trust our beliefs about who we think we are?

Knowing Your Parts – Self-Awareness

Embracing the Complexity of the Self within our Couples Relationship

In our quest for self-awareness, we’re often compelled to search for a singular, fixed identity. Yet this approach can create more confusion than clarity. Instead consider the idea that our selves are composed of various distinct “parts” or facets. This perspective recognizes the complexity of our  being, acknowledging that different aspects of our personality, behavior, or identity come to the forefront in response to varying contexts and situations. You might have encountered situations where you or others have said, “A part of me feels…” This phrase underscores the idea that our inner landscape is complex and adaptable.

These diverse parts, like the components of a mosaic, weave together to form the tapestry of our selfhood. They can be thought of as personas or sub-personalities that are activated in different circumstances. For instance, you may possess a “social self” that emerges when you are in the company of friends, distinct from the self you present within the confines of your family.

The triggers for these various parts can be multifarious. Sometimes, they arise due to external factors or environmental cues, while at other times, they may be influenced by inner emotional states or personal history. For instance, road rage might evoke an aggressive and confrontational part of yourself, while moments of self-doubt may activate a self-critical or self-denigrating part.

Exploring these facets is akin to peeling back the layers of an onion. Each layer represents a unique aspect of yourself, shaped by your life experiences, beliefs, and values. Some parts may harmonize beautifully, while others may seem to clash, creating inner tension. Recognizing and understanding these competing forces within ourselves grants us insight into our behaviors and emotions. By identifying which part takes the lead in a given situation, we can strive for a more balanced and conscious response.

The Beauty of Embracing Our Inner Complexity

This concept of having multiple parts doesn’t imply inauthenticity or pathology; rather, it acknowledges the richness and complexity of human nature. By embracing and exploring these parts of ourselves, we can gain valuable insights into our motivations, reactions, and behaviors. This self-awareness can serve as a foundation for personal growth, allowing us to make conscious choices about how we engage with the world and navigate the intricate dance of our inner selves. Ultimately, it is in recognizing and integrating these parts that we can achieve a deeper understanding of our own identity and lead more fulfilling couples relationship.

Self-talk-Listening to Our Inner Voices

   We get clues about these parts by paying attention to our self-talk, the ongoing internal dialogue that shapes your thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and decision-making. Each part has its own internal voice, ranging from dominant or more frequent presence voice you can easily hear or tune into to more subconscious ones that if you “tune in” you can hear, and finally the more unconscious voices, out of our awareness that represent disowned parts of ourselves that impact our behaviors unknowingly. These voices ebb and flow in different situations, sometimes taking center stage and at other times receding into the background.

 For example, a part, or internal voice that emerges during road rage or a part (Your an A…hole!!) or internal voice that is critical and harsh if a mistake is made, eg. “You did it again, how can you be  so stupid!” (Or some variation). 

In Conclusion:

In the grand tapestry of conscious couples relationships, understanding the multifaceted nature of the self is the first step toward creating harmony and depth in your connection with others. By recognizing and embracing the complexity of your own identity, you pave the way for more authentic, fulfilling, and conscious relationships with those around you. After all, the journey to conscious love begins with a conscious self.

Exercise and Question:

A glimpse of self: 

Set a timer for either 3 or 5 minutes. Close your eyes, sit quietly. Become aware of your thoughts. 

Are you thinking about what you need to do next? Are you critical of yourself for not doing it right? Do you find yourself critical of the exercise “this is a dumb exercise”, or maybe you encounter worry? 

The more you do this, the more you learn about you! Our habitual modes of thinking and perceptions creates our self-view.

In the next blog, we will look more closely at these internal voices that create self-narratives, both positive and negative as well as conscious and unconscious. We will identify the ego and its influences on us.

For comments, questions, or feedback, you can reach me at: https://darrellchristian.com/contact-information/

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