We all strive for a healthy, loving relationship with our partner. We hear people say, ‘marriage takes work’ but no one tells us what ‘work’ means in a day to day context. Many people make a commitment to exercise several times a week to strengthen their body and to attend to their physical and mental health but don’t think to set aside time each week to build and strengthen the health of their relationship. In addition, our educational systems do not teach us how to have a successful relationship and we often do not have healthy relationship models given that at least 50% of us come from a family of divorce and another 20 to 30% come from families in which parents were unhappy or disconnected. Most people begin relationships with the best intentions, full of hope, energy and commitment. Then as time progresses, life happens and the challenges of work, children, in-laws, and finances, to name a few, can begin to wear away at the fabric of any relationship unless the couple purposely attends to the relationship. No couple hood is unchallenged in long-term relationships. Quite often, we ignore problems at first and hope they go away. When they don’t, we try, often unsuccessfully to address them. When that doesn’t work, we may resign ourselves to acceptance of the lack of fulfillment and find a way focus our energies, joy, and satisfactions elsewhere, such as with kids or work. For some, it gets worse, the relationship continues to deteriorate into destructive conflict which often includes finger pointing and blaming. Yet, there is still hope if the couple has the courage to choose to change. Then the very same challenges can lead to great opportunities to grow and expand ourselves toward being more healthy as individuals and as a couple.
My goal for couples in therapy is to help create or re-create a mutually satisfying relationship that is rewarding, depthful and fulfilling; and that allows them to grow in the face of conflict, challenge and change. To arrive at this, couples often need to be able to learn the art of communication, listen in a way that leads to understanding, manage powerful emotions, and find ways to share their emotions in a productive way. I help couples differentiate between healthy conflict and destructive conflict and communicate through tension toward a better understanding and ultimately to emotional closeness. We identify the four levels of intimacy and work to deepen the connection. I help couples develop tools that they can practice for connection and to resolve conflict.
My approach is to increase the couple’s awareness of their patterns of thoughts, feelings and behaviors that create conflict, relationship discord, and disconnection. Once people become aware of these patterns, they have options to respond in more healthy ways rather than in automatic, reactive ways, repeating the same patterns over and over. In therapy, couples learn concepts and tools that allow them to think, feel, and act in ways that promote an emotional connection and more depth in their relationship. I also believe it is imperative to identify and celebrate the positives in a relationship. I build on strengths of each partner and the couple as a unit that can be harnessed in creating expanded ways of experiencing and interacting with each other. Finding and building on successes and positive reframes creates hope that, in turn, inspires the desire to be at our best with our partner. In conclusion, I believe all of us want to be happy in our life, and that happiness is, in large part determined by our relationships, especially with our partners. With awareness, the right amount of effort, and willingness, our relationship can be the most rewarding journey of all.
Couples Therapy Options:
1) Couples therapy sessions in office:
Often it is beneficial to begin couples work with 90 minute sessions especially when there is a crisis, high conflict, or significant unrest in the couple relationship. The increased time helps to create some stability and decrease the intensity between the couple to restore more productive communication. Longer sessions (90 minutes or 2 hours) are also helpful if the couple wants to make progress more quickly. Usually after some period of time, 50 minute sessions are adequate. The shorter 50 minute sessions are helpful to work on communication and and with more minor conflict.
2) Concierge Services: Concierge psychotherapy services are flexible, personalized, convenient therapy services that are customized for the needs of the individual or couple. Unlike the traditional 50 minute weekly in-office psychotherapy sessions, concierge services offer more location and scheduling options for clients whose lives may require more privacy or increased flexibility and accessibility of services, (e.g. public figures or corporate executives). A specialized approach is created based on the issues, needs, and areas of growth desired.
*All concierge services get priority scheduling and individualized attention.
Several different options or combination of options are available, including:
1) Individual and Couple therapy In-Office.
2) Individual and Couple therapy in the privacy of your home.
3) Intensive Couples therapy options:
A. Extended length sessions: 90 minutes to 3 hours. In-office or in your home.
Costs: In Office: $450 for 90 minutes $600 for 2 hours $900 for 3 hours
In-Home: The above rates plus travel time
B. Private Couples Retreat: The couple accompanied by Dr. Christian-Individualized attention
This is a 5- 7 day retreat in a tropical setting (often all-inclusive) that is specifically tailored to the couple’s struggles and challenges. Some people prefer an immersion experience in couple exploration/growth away from day to day routines in a location that invites slowing down, reflection and enhanced openness. This method also is allows for the individualized attention for an extended period. People choose this option for a variety of reasons from a relationship crisis, such as an affair, a last effort to save a “stuck”/failing relationship, or a phase of life change such as an empty nest or retirement, to deepening and expanding your relationship. The daily schedule involves a morning and afternoon session as well as free time between sessions so that the couple can relax and enjoy each other and the beauty of the setting. In these settings, I am available throughout the day should you need extra time and support.
Cost for Individual Retreat: $5000 plus expenses
4) Multi-Couple Marriage/Couple enrichment workshops: (See Retreat tab) Weekends, two per year, spring and fall
These multi-couple workshops are held two times per year and are designed to help couples learn more about each other and their relationship, improve communication, and deepen intimacy. Workshops take place on Saturday and Sunday. Contact me for the next scheduled workshop.